Title: Pilot

Nothing quippy to say about this boring title. They get better though, I promise.

Summary: Lorelai drinks lots of coffee. Oh wait, so does Rory. Luke is grumpy. Oh wait, so are Richard and Emily. Rory does the plaid skirt thing. Lane is a closet audiophile. Dean doesn’t have a motorcycle. Sookie fixes the peach sauce. We are blessed with Friday Night Dinners.

LORELAI: You’re a regular Jack Kerouac.

Jack Kerouac, the king of beatniks known for his wild travels and wild writing. Kerouac actually grew up in Lowell, Mass. – about 150 miles northeast of the fictional Stars Hollow. He attended Columbia University to play football, and was a journalist for Columbia’s student newspaper, the Columbia Daily Spectator, like our girl Rory. He later joined the Marines and was promptly discharged for “medical reasons” but really that wasn’t his scene. While Kerouac is most well-known for his revolutionary work On The Road, many of his other novels deserve equal or greater praise including Dharma Bums and Desolation Angels. Similar to our girls, Kerouac was addicted to a dark liquid, though the alcoholism sent him to an early grave whereas coffee seems to make Lorelai and Rory stronger. Adding to the similarities – Jess is practically a Kerouac stand-in.  

RORY: God, RuPaul doesn’t need this much makeup.

When Gilmore Girls premiered in 2000, RuPaul was having something of a moment. A verifiable star for his drag style and performances, he was also the face of MAC cosmetics, the host of a New York radio morning show, and had just released a remake of the disco classic “It’s Raining Men”. Amazingly, RuPaul is actually his given name, adding to his charm. As a Louisiana native, the Ru comes from roux – the term for the base of gumbo and other creole cooking. For a GG tie-in, RuPaul’s first big break came in the B-52’s Love Shack video. The B-52’s are featured in many Gilmore soundtracks and Lorelai is caught wearing the band’s t-shirt to Parent’s Night during Rory’s first month at Chilton, leading to her meet-cute with Max. (Season 1, Episode 4).

RORY: I’m sorry. I lost my Macy Gray CD and I need caffeine.

This is such a 2000s reference, it kills. Macy Gray’s biggest and only real hit ” I Try” peaked at #5 of the Billboard chart earlier that summer and seemed to be on everyone’s soundtrack that year. She was born Natalie McIntyre and was known for her raspy voice, not unlike Rory’s in this odd pilot introduction. Gray attended boarding school during her teens years but was asked to leave due to her behavior – cough Logan and Christopher cough (Season 6, Episode 14).

LORELAI: Look, Officer Krupke. She’s right at that table, right over there.

This might be the moment we realize we aren’t in Kansas anymore. This reference is so well placed and so not-of-it’s-time that it make you pause. What she is referring to is the bumbling police officer in West Side Story, a reference that pops up in many GG episodes (S2E5, S2E16, S3E3, S3E9, S6E9). Officer Krupke was always bugging the rival gangs but they are too smart to fall for his tricks, inspiring the song “Gee, Officer Krupke!”. West Side Story is based on the tale of Romeo and Juliet, something that seems familiar for all those on Team Jess.

LANE: Rory, if my parents still get upset over the obscene portion size of American food, I seriously doubt I’m gonna make any inroads with Eminem.

Eminem has stood the test of time but he truly was a cultural disruption in 1999. Mrs. Kim would certainly not approve of his bleached hair, decidedly terrible upbringing, violent and sexual lyrics, or his love for fast food. But he is sober now so maybe they could sit down for a cup of tea and a flaxseed muffin? For the record, I can’t imagine Lane ever listening to Eminem.

[Rory pulls out a plaid skirt.] RORY: I’m gonna be in a Britney Spears video?

Who doesn’t remember the first time they saw the “Baby One More Time” video? Britney’s school-girl style launched a thousand teenage boners and led to countless Halloween costumes even many years later (guilty!). Every guy between the ages of 40 and 25 has secretly had a Britney Spears crush at some point, all thanks to that plaid skirt. Be careful Rory, that’s a lot of responsibility.

LORELAI: Sookie, there are several chapters from a Stephen King novel I’d reenact before I’d resort to that option.

Not sure which Stephen King novel she is referring to but I can venture a guess. Perhaps The Long Walk, similar to The Hunger Games except you must walk indefinitely at 4mph or be shot dead – cheery.  Or maybe The Running Man, similar to above but you are being chased by “hunters” – nice. Either way, I think Lorelai made the right choice here, asking the Gilmores for money rather than risk getting shot or hunted. Plus, we got Friday Night Dinners out of the deal. Yay!

SOOKIE: Where’s your paté? LORELAI: At Zsa Zsa Gabor‘s house.

Oh Zsa Zsa Gabor, why couldn’t I have your life? Living a relatively charmed life since being crowned Miss Hungary in 1936, Gabor was known for her lavish lifestyle, glamorous personality, and her nine marriages(!!!). Take that Miss Patty! She was once arrested for a suspected DUI while driving a $215,000 Rolls Royce. Sound familiar, Emily? (Season 7, Episode 3) Zsa Zsa life’s was not all roses though, escaping Nazi Europe and suffering abuses by her husbands and her only daughter. She did find love in the end though, marrying her 9th husband in 1986 and staying with him until her death in 2016.

RORY: God! You’re like Ruth Gordon just standing there with a tannis root. Make a noise. DEAN: Rosemary’s Baby.

Ruth Gordon was the actress who played Minnie Castevet, a leader in a satanic cult, in the 1968 film. Tannis root is referring to the necklace given to Rosemary as a part of their witchcraft, in order to force her to have Satan’s baby. Pleasant, right? Not a good omen for you, Dean. I’m skeeved out just reading that.

DEAN: My family just moved here from Chicago. RORY: Chicago. Windy. Oprah.

It’s everyone’s favorite talk show host and gift-giver – Oprah Winfrey! She has been rocking our worlds with the Oprah Winfery Show since 1986 and got her start on news stations in Chicago. She helped another fellow Chicagoan get elected President in 2008 (hello, Barack!) and he returned the favor in 2013 by awarding her the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In my world, I like to think that Rory and Oprah crossed paths on Barack’s campaign trail in 2007, after Rory left her little Gilmore nest at the end of Season 7. A girl can dream, right?

DEAN: Every day after school you come out and you sit under that tree there and you read. Last week it was Madame Bovary. This week it’s Moby Dick.

I love that Rory read the classics. And these are two meaty ones – and she killed them in a week? Damn girl, get some other hobbies.

Madame Bovary is a depressing but beautifully written story by Gustave Flaubert, about a young women who romanticizes life and seeks beauty and pleasure above all else. She cheats on her husband, ignores her child, gets her family in terrible debt, and then drops dead when her lover won’t run away with her. Spoiled much? It’s what I imagine Louise would have turned out like if she hadn’t been influenced by someone like Paris or Rory. This was Flaubert’s first novel and was so well written that Milan Kundera once wrote “Not until the work of Flaubert did prose lose the stigma of aesthetic inferiority. Ever since Madame Bovary, the art of the novel has been considered equal to the art of poetry.” Coincidentally, Milan Kundera was the commencement speaker at Rory’s graduation from Yale where he put Richard and Emily to sleep.  (Season 7, Episode 21)

Call Me Ishmael. Moby-Dick or The Whale by Herman Melville is often referred to as one of the greatest books ever written but was a commercial failure during Melville’s time and was only revived at the centennial of his birth. The book is a hefty one, coming in at 585 pages.

LORELAI: Oh, you’re gonna have to walk faster than that. You’re gonna have to turn into friggin’ Flo Jo to get away from me.

Florence Griffith-Joyner, nicknamed Flojo, was a track and field Olympian who is widely considered the fastest woman ever. Her records in the 100m and 200m still stand to this day which is just insane. She retired in 1988 but became somewhat of an icon through endorsements and acting after her running career. She was also known for her wild fashion choices and bright nails – wearing six-inch fake nails painted with American flags to the 1988 Olympics. She sadly died in her sleep in 1998 at the age of 38, from an epileptic seizure.

LORELAI: Aw, you’re not gonna give me the “Mommie Dearest” treatment forever, are ya?

Joan Crawford could have been remembered for so many things, but once her daughter Christina released her tell-all book in 1978, Joan’s legacy will always be as Mommie Dearest. The book and subsequent 1981 film detailed the abuses Christina and her fellow adopted siblings suffered at the hand of their mother Joan. Where to start – the revolving door of men they had to call “Daddy”, the lack of contact with the outside world, the strict boarding schools, the strapping to the bed at night, the rare beef, the hanger incident? But many of Joan’s friends and costars have spoken out against the book, saying that Christina exaggerated and flat out lied about her childhood. But most agree that Joan was an alcoholic with violent mood swings, who likely suffered from bipolar disorder. Though she passed away in 1977 before the book was released, I can imagine Joan would have liked the publicity whether it was true or not. Coincidentally, Joan’s films are often mentioned by the Girls including Mildred Pierce (S613) and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (S2E19)

RORY: So, do we go in or do we just stand here reenacting The Little Match Girl?

The Little Match Girl, thanks Hans Christian Andersen! Another horribly depressing story about a poor girl selling matches on the street in 19th century Denmark. As she is dying from hypothermia in a snowy alley, she has elaborate visions about a Christmas feast and seeing her grandmother in heaven. And then SHE DIES! And in the morning the passersby don’t seem too concerned by her dead body. What?! A lot of bummer references in this first Gilmore episode.

LORELAI: Okay, look, I know you and me are having a thing here and I know you hate me but I need you to be civil, at least through dinner and then on the way home you can pull a Menendez. Deal?

Erik and Lyle Menendez famously shot and killed their parents at their Beverly Hills mansion in 1990. The two boys alleged that they had suffered years of sexual and psychological abuse by their parents, leading to a deadlocked jury and an initial mistrial before they were eventually convicted and sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole. Interestingly enough, the two boys were not initially suspects in the murder but spent money so lavishly ($700k!) in the months after their parents death – buying cars and jewelry, competing in tennis matches in Israel, and driving their dead mother’s Benz around LA – that the detectives decided to take another look. Both men are still alive at a state prison in San Diego and have stayed in the spotlight due to odd in-prison marriages to their pen pals, countless documentaries, interviews, books, and Lifetime Original Movies. Their trial was highly publicized and aired on Court TV, adding to the media hysteria and America’s obsession with true crime like the OJ Simpson trial. In April 2018, they were reunited when they were moved into the same prison unit, the first time they had seen each other since the trial.

LORELAI: Is he dreamy? RORY: Oh, that’s so Nick at Nite.

Is this a historic reference now? Is there no more Nick at Nite? I imagine the reruns showing on today’s Nick at Nite are much different to the ones Rory is referring to here. Nowadays they are running nonstop Friends, but back in 2000 it was all about Bewitched, Happy Days, and I Dream of Jeannie. I’m guessing Rory is referring to all the “dreamy” guys in the sitcoms of the 60s and 70s and their puritanical views on sex. Just a guess.